How Abelino Made His Move on the Professor

Dear Professor,

Enclosed you will find the document with the end-of-term project as you requested. I have tried to complete it in such a way that you will give me an A.

If the grade I'm hoping for seems excessive to you, or if you have any reservations about granting it, please consider that I could invite you to dinner to discuss the matter. At dinner I hope to be able to discourse and defend the topic with the ease it requires, and moreover, in an environment less tense than the cold walls of the faculty classroom, where, by the way, the naturalness of my discourse may be intimidated by the crush of students; and if I fail to convince you, at least we can enjoy a bottle of Château Margaux or, if you prefer a more effervescent experience, a Perrier Jouet or a very well-selected Dom Pérignon. Surely, after savoring the elixir of this grape from the Champagne region, I will feel more confident that your critique is sincere, because, as Alberto Cortéz says in one of his poems: "Wine can bring out things that man keeps silent"... and as you can see, I have taken the liberty of extrapolating the previous verse to the gender you embody, since the pleasure of a good glass of wine is not the exclusive privilege of men, but also of brilliant women, like you, distinguished professor.

Please do not take this as a bribe, as the custom of kickbacks is one of the improprieties most at odds with my moral canons. However, I have also proposed dinner to you, with all due respect, with a second intention: because if, after all my attempts to convince you I fail to do so, the dinner will already be justified, simply for the fact of allowing me to enjoy your intelligent conversation and your superlative splendor. Furthermore, I will repay you for the time invested with my best effort to ensure you have a wonderful time, in which I will tell you a very select myriad of anecdotes and I would even bet my entire semester grade that I will steal a few smiles from you and you will have an unforgettable evening.

If you accept this academic, decorous, and very respectful invitation, you don't even have to answer me, just make sure my grade is not an A and I will pick you up Thursday night, carriage provided, to head to the restaurant with the best view in the entire city and where at least I hope, if you will allow me to enliven the evening in some way, to delight you with an exquisite selection of classical music, led by "Liebesträume" by Franz Liszt. Of course, the volume of the music will be just right so that we can enjoy a pleasant conversation and at the same time stir our spirits with the pizzicatos and fugues of the quartet I have hired.

Please do not take my letter as the outburst of a desperate student trying to scrape together a few more points for his average, because what I most desire is that you not give me the A.

Respectfully,

Abelino

Your Student

(Edgar Landívar, 2013)